I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
