Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
