I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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