Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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