I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
