Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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