I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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