walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
