I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
