We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
