I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
