Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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