i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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