My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
