Umm I'm too high to move.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
