That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
