Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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