Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
