I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
