yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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