Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
