Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
