he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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