dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
