so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
