she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Shame is for Republicans.
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