i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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