this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
