there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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