you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
