I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize