I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
