Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
