I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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