There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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