it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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