I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
