You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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