Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
