How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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