google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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