Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
