Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
