My hand turned me down
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
