Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
