yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
