he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
