It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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