She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
