Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
