State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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