someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
